A soft wash of light funnels in through my doorway. I sit up onto my elbows and turn to him. He is flat-faced to the pillow, making his allegiance to sleep very clear.
"Which one do you think it is?", I whisper loudly.
Her. Its her. He halfheartedly agrees. Like a school girl using a bathroom pass as an excuse to ditch class, I spring to my feet and abandon the bed and its invitation to sleep. Standing in the dark, I see her walk through the splash of light. My arms reach out to her as if they are weightlessly floating up and away from my body. She glances at me with a frown and continues on her path. My face crumples.
"What's wrong baby girl?" The words are slow and tiny coming from my mouth.
"I thought that you don't want me anymore." Her voice is breathless and quivering.
"Oh baby girl! I'll always want you. No matter what! You will always be loved. Did you have a bad dream?" (Yes! That must be it! A bad dream. Because surely she would never think I don't want her.)
And then it happens. A memory pops into my mind. I remember earlier that day she asked "Mom, how come you don't like it when I touch you so much?" My stomach sank.
I bring baby girl back to her bed and brush the hair from her face, tracing her miniature features. I float gentle kisses onto her forehead and touch my nose to hers. As she settles next to me, I begin to sing her favorite lullaby. "Hush little baby don't say a word..." Her eyes lock with mine deeply and she smiles comfortably. "Mama's gonna buy you a mocking-bird..."
Baby girl is sleeping and now it is safe. Safe to say all of the things I want her to know, but don't know how to say.
"You are so amazing. Your hands do so much. You are creative and smart and all things good. Don't let anyone make you doubt yourself. You can do anything you want; be whoever you want to be. There is no 'right' when it comes to being yourself. Just be...you. I love you more than there are stars in the sky. I'm proud of you...proud to be your Mama. Now, I know sometimes I seem to pull back from you. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and like I'm messing it all up. But believe me. I want so much to be close to you."
And then, I get mad. My face grows hot as my stomach flutters in anger. This. This, I realize, is evidence of their hands. A legacy passed down like contaminated water flowing down stream. I will not let it touch her. I will not let her see their hand prints on me. She will not be damaged by their misdeeds because I was. Its not fair. I will fight for her. I will heal for her. I will learn to wash myself clean so that by her innocence I can be embraced.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Friday, December 31, 2010
OH! The Places You Will Go
Its the last day of 2010 and the final 24 hours of a decade. 10 years since I left home for the first time. 9 years since I bought my first car.. 8 years since the best summer ever. 7 years since I met my husband. 6 years since Chandra died. 5 years since I have graduated college. 4 years since I first became a mother. 3 years since my nephew defied all odds of living. 2 years since I became a mother for the second time. 1 year since I bought my first house. And a month and a half since I ran my first 1/2 marathon.
When standing upon the edge of a new beginning, I can't help but ask: Where have you been? What moments have marked your past? Which people have etched themselves into those memories; some by coming into your life and others by leaving? Which expectations were met and which ones failed? How has God surprised you this past year? What ideals became realities? What will you do differently this coming year?
Dr. Seuss wrote a book called "Oh, The Places You Will Go." A good friend of mine introduced me to this book 6 years ago and I've loved it ever since. Are you familiar with it? Its a great book for new beginnings. It reminds me that I've got what I need (brains in my head and feet in my shoes) to wend my own way. It reminds me of the possibilities of life...the potential of the future.
OH! THE PLACES YOU WILL GO by Dr. Seuss
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.
And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.
Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.
You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.
No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.
I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.
And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)
Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!
Oh the places we will go in this new year...in this new DECADE. This is the season for fresh slates...for resolutions and changes...for new plans and adventures. Where are you going? Who are the people that will be etched in when you look back on 2011 next December 31st? Oh the places we will go without even knowing that we're going there. The places that we never thought we were strong enough to go to we may actually go to this year. Oh, the places we've always dreamed of going to and the ones we wish we could have avoided we may be part of our memories of 2011.
May you climb your mountains this year, remembering to smile on your way up; knowing that you have brains in your head and feet in your shoes. Knowing that although you cannot control life, you can control how you respond to it. Believing that you can be the change you want to see. Happy 2011 my friends. Get on your way!
When standing upon the edge of a new beginning, I can't help but ask: Where have you been? What moments have marked your past? Which people have etched themselves into those memories; some by coming into your life and others by leaving? Which expectations were met and which ones failed? How has God surprised you this past year? What ideals became realities? What will you do differently this coming year?
Dr. Seuss wrote a book called "Oh, The Places You Will Go." A good friend of mine introduced me to this book 6 years ago and I've loved it ever since. Are you familiar with it? Its a great book for new beginnings. It reminds me that I've got what I need (brains in my head and feet in my shoes) to wend my own way. It reminds me of the possibilities of life...the potential of the future.
OH! THE PLACES YOU WILL GO by Dr. Seuss
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.
And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.
Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.
You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.
No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.
I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.
And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)
Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!
Oh the places we will go in this new year...in this new DECADE. This is the season for fresh slates...for resolutions and changes...for new plans and adventures. Where are you going? Who are the people that will be etched in when you look back on 2011 next December 31st? Oh the places we will go without even knowing that we're going there. The places that we never thought we were strong enough to go to we may actually go to this year. Oh, the places we've always dreamed of going to and the ones we wish we could have avoided we may be part of our memories of 2011.
May you climb your mountains this year, remembering to smile on your way up; knowing that you have brains in your head and feet in your shoes. Knowing that although you cannot control life, you can control how you respond to it. Believing that you can be the change you want to see. Happy 2011 my friends. Get on your way!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Naked
There is a moment every day, that I pause to see myself. As the water runs behind me in the tub, I peel off my clothes. I turn to the side and inspect my back; craning my neck in wonder and always doubting the honesty of my own eyes. I trace the smooth lines of my hips and stomach; evaluate their loyalty and decide whether or not to be disappointed. There are bruises where i've pinched and pulled the skin around my sides. Soreness where i've pushed and tested and demanded much of myself. I suck in the air around me and step tip toed into the shower. The water is warm and washes away the outside. I look down at my belly and watch the little streams of water pool in the center of my belly button. Is this the way it should look? My hands move to the soft fleshy slope of my abdomen and then down the sides of my legs. Are they bigger today? And then, I hear it. There is a voice that intersects my thoughts. It is calm and wiser than the self deprecation that scorns my thoughts.
"You are not damaged. You are enough. Everything is okay at this moment right where you are." I question this voice, but only slightly. She seems older than I and much stronger. I decide to believe her. "These outer parts do not determine your inner parts. They do not make you a better or worse mother, wife, friend, sister, or daughter. Let go. Let yourself accept them. Love them."
I close my eyes and feel a warmth dance from my rib cage up to my throat. Present in the moment, I feel whole. I feel bliss. I feel loved and accepted.
I shut off the water and pull open the shower curtain. Faced with my own reflection, I smile at my naked self. Everything is just the way it should be; no betrayals, no disappointment, no disparagement.
"You are not damaged. You are enough. Everything is okay at this moment right where you are." I question this voice, but only slightly. She seems older than I and much stronger. I decide to believe her. "These outer parts do not determine your inner parts. They do not make you a better or worse mother, wife, friend, sister, or daughter. Let go. Let yourself accept them. Love them."
I close my eyes and feel a warmth dance from my rib cage up to my throat. Present in the moment, I feel whole. I feel bliss. I feel loved and accepted.
I shut off the water and pull open the shower curtain. Faced with my own reflection, I smile at my naked self. Everything is just the way it should be; no betrayals, no disappointment, no disparagement.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Ordinary day
Awake. 6:20am. Shuffle to the bathroom. Put in contacts. Wipe mascara from under eyes. Pull on gym clothes. Sigh deeply. Tie back hair. Eat cereal. Brush teeth. Prepare car food for babies. Grab Jared's lunch. Load kids into car. Drive 24 miles to drop Jared off at work. Sing along to Dr. Seuss DVD. Head to Gym. Drop off kids. Call friend. Vent to friend. Cry to friend. Friend gives 2.5 hours worth of therapeutic advice. Meanwhile, bike 10 miles. Feel like quitting. Run 3.5. Rock the abs. Pick up kids. Sanitize hands. Walk to consignment shop. Run after Jack. Call for Sadie. Dig through size 6 shoes. Run after Jack. Hold him as he squirms and screams to try on shoe. Release him. Dig through size 7 shoes. Call for Jack. Look for Jack. Retrieve Jack from employee-only storeroom area. Try 3 more shoes on him. Release Jack. Call for Sadie. Decide on shoes. Call for Jack. Look for Jack. Retrieve Jack from store manager. Return items Jack pulled from shelves. Return to shoes. Look for Sadie. Look for Jack. Remove Jack from jogging stroller on display. Make way to counter to pay for shoes. Notice jogging stroller moving. Remove Jack screaming from stroller. Answer phone. Remove Sadie from stroller. Kiss a boo boo. Return to counter. Pay for shoes. Call for Jack. Find him with store manager. Exit store. Walk back to gym. Strap kids into the car. Sanitize hands. Distribute granola bars and water. Drive to Kohls. Search for a cart with a double stroller aspect. Find one 7 carts deep into the row. Load kids into cart. Go to customer service to return item. Return to car to find receipt. Go back inside store. Head to the bathroom. Return to customer service counter. Return item. Search for shorts. No luck. Exit Kohls. Load kids into the car. Search for binkie. Text a friend. Call a friend. Head to Post Office. Look for custom's forms. No luck. Attempt to figure out best way to ship package to Iraq. No luck. Wait in line. Retrieve tic tacs from Sadie. Stop Jack from pushing a little girl. Apologize to little girl and her mother on behalf of Jack. Call for Sadie. Wait in line. Watch postal worker speak to customers in condescending tone. Make sympathetic eye contact with three customers who interacted with angry postman. Imagine myself going off on mean postman. Call for Sadie. Comfort Jack. Wait in line. Wait in line. Wait. In. Line. Arrive at head of line. Seek advice of postman. Thank Heaven that its not the condescending one. Fill out Custom's form. Seek advice regarding the proper way to address package. Address package. Pay $5. Watch postman attach Custom's form. Realize my Daddy's in Iraq. Feel lump in throat. Begin to cry. Take a deep breath. Call for Sadie. Walk to Car. Load up kids. Drive to H-E-B. Find awesome parking spot. Unload kids. Walk into store. Look for "race car" shopping cart. No luck. Walk to other side of giant store to find race car. No luck. Load kids into non-race car shopping cart. Compensate for lack of race car by giving both children a balloon and sucker (given free at the door). Sample cheese. Observe the lobsters. Start shopping. Deep sigh. Contemplate the budget. Strategically purchase food in a calculated manner as not to waste a penny. Deny requests for candy. Search for Jared's favorite BBQ chips. Put chips in basket. Realize Jack has eaten through unopened sucker and is covered in red stickiness. Cross length of the store to restroom. Wash Jack's hands. Wash Sadie's hands. Wash front of shopping cart. Exit restroom. Back to shopping. Finish and pay. Begin to leave. Turn around to retrieve "Buddy Buck's" per request of screaming 3 year old. Take Buddy Bucks to claw-arm vending machine. Try to put fake Buddy Buck money into vending machine. No luck. Machine broken. Comfort Sadie. Comfort Jack. Cross the length of big ass store for the 6th time. Find another "Buddy" machine. Put buck into machine. Allow Sadie to retrieve stickers from machine. Give Jack a turn. Attempt to help Jack. Get slapped. Try to calm Jack. Attempt to help him again. Get slapped. Threaten to leave. Try to help Jack. Get slapped. Start to walk away. Sadie starts to cry on Jack's behalf. Help Jack get stickers. Leave store. Load kids into car. Distribute apple juice. Load groceries into the car. Return cart. Answer phone. Argue with husband. Eat sushi. Drive home. Unload kids. Unload groceries. Put groceries away. Feel like sitting on couch. Make lunch for the kids. Check Facebook. Comment on status updates. Feel lonely. Change diaper. Change clothes. Find Binkie. Find lovey. Bring kids upstairs for a nap. Clean kitchen. Begin to prep for dinner. Wake kids. Eat a banana. Load kids into the car. Drive 24 miles to USAA. Check in with security at the gate. Receive text message. Husband working late. Search for a library. Exit USAA's campus. Drive to library. Answer phone. Husband is ready. Return DVDs to library. Return to USAA to pick up husband. Call husband. Check in with security at the gate. Enter campus. Drive to parking garage. Pick up husband. Drive home. Unload kids. Check for scorpions. Finish cooking dinner. Clean kitchen. Eat tofu stir fry. Decide to mow the lawn. Attempt to put gas into the mower. Spill gas everywhere. Clean up gas. Mow the lawn. Edge the grass. Close garage. Go inside. Peel off clothes. Jump in shower. Breathe deeply. Think about ice cream. Wash. Dry. Clothe. Find Jack in bathroom. Hear Sadie in her room. Kiss Jack good night. Tuck Sadie into bed. Snuggle. Sing "You are my Sunshine" and the "Lullabye Song". Collect dirty clothes. Run downstairs. Think about ice cream. Put away left overs. Clean the kitchen. Feel like quitting. Think about ice cream. Wipe the table. Put clothes into washer. Pick up toys. Vacuum living room. Think about ice cream. Contemplate stopping. Sweep kitchen and dining room. Mop floors. Open freezer. Find ice cream. Scoop ice cream into bowl. Open refrigerator. Find raspberry sauce. Swirl sauce onto ice cream. Sit down. Breathe. Savor. Every. Bite. Of ice cream. Turn on computer.Check email. Look through family pictures. Write e-mail. Check facebook. Read updates. Make comments. Sign into blog. Begin to write. Decide to write for myself and no one else. Find a sense of self gratification. 11:53pm. Ready to sleep.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Lessons on emotions
Sitting at the kitchen table feeding Jack. Sadie walks in and climbs on top of a chair in a cowgirl skirt and a big black bow in her hair:
"Are you hungry, Sadie?"
" Nahhhh...I'm not hungry, I'm disappointed."
I'm caught off guard by such a grand articulation from my tiny 3 year old.
"Why are you disappointed, Sadie."
"Because I can't play with my toys."
"You can play with your toys, baby."
"I can't do it because I need to get in the hop-tub."
Apparently, Sadie wanted to go swimming, but it was too cold so she set her heart upon the "hop-tub."
Standing at the sink, washing dishes. Sadie walks in and hides behind my leg. She's twisting her feet and leaning against the cabinet below the sink. Her face is drooped into what my daddy calls a "puppy dog face."
"What's the matter, Sadie?"
"I'm sad."
"Why are you sad?"
"Because my daddy makes me sad."
"Aweee....how did daddy make you sad?"
"Because he make me sad and he's not my best friend."
"Who's your best friend?"
"Daddy not my best friend anymore."
"Daddy's not your best friend?"
"No. He won't let me have the ball and he's not my best friend. My heart is broke."
I peer into the living room and see Jared laying on the floor tossing a ball into the air.
"Jared! You better let Sadie play with that ball! You broke her heart and she says you're not her best friend anymore!"
He chuckled in amusement and called out to Sadie, who played ball for a few minutes and then snuggled next to him on the floor.
"Are you hungry, Sadie?"
" Nahhhh...I'm not hungry, I'm disappointed."
I'm caught off guard by such a grand articulation from my tiny 3 year old.
"Why are you disappointed, Sadie."
"Because I can't play with my toys."
"You can play with your toys, baby."
"I can't do it because I need to get in the hop-tub."
Apparently, Sadie wanted to go swimming, but it was too cold so she set her heart upon the "hop-tub."
Standing at the sink, washing dishes. Sadie walks in and hides behind my leg. She's twisting her feet and leaning against the cabinet below the sink. Her face is drooped into what my daddy calls a "puppy dog face."
"What's the matter, Sadie?"
"I'm sad."
"Why are you sad?"
"Because my daddy makes me sad."
"Aweee....how did daddy make you sad?"
"Because he make me sad and he's not my best friend."
"Who's your best friend?"
"Daddy not my best friend anymore."
"Daddy's not your best friend?"
"No. He won't let me have the ball and he's not my best friend. My heart is broke."
I peer into the living room and see Jared laying on the floor tossing a ball into the air.
"Jared! You better let Sadie play with that ball! You broke her heart and she says you're not her best friend anymore!"
He chuckled in amusement and called out to Sadie, who played ball for a few minutes and then snuggled next to him on the floor.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
TodaysMama Meme
TodaysMama and Provo Craft are giving away a sleighful of gifts this holiday season and to enter I’m sharing this meme with you.
1. What 5 items are on your holiday wish list this year?
5. What items are on your kid’s wish list this year?
6. What is your favorite holiday food?
7. What will you be hand-crafting for the holidays?
When you're done creating your post, make sure to email them a link to your post at info@todaysmama.com with “Wish List Meme” in the subject line.
1. What 5 items are on your holiday wish list this year?
- A DVR (i'm dreaming on this one, but its a "wish list" right?)
- Lovely (by Sarah Jessica Parker)
- Painting lessons
- A nice camera (again, "wish" ing)
- A purse that doubles as a scaled-down diaper bag that dosesn't LOOK like a diaper bag.
- I treasure handmade gifts. Paintings, jewelry, childrens clothing, hair clips, blankets it would pain me to choose a favorite!
- Vinyl lettering
- I honestly loved getting new clothes
5. What items are on your kid’s wish list this year?
- Sadie has made it quite clear that she wants a "choo choo train" and a scooter
- Jack will get something with balls
6. What is your favorite holiday food?
- Can it be a drink? If so, hot chocolate!!!
7. What will you be hand-crafting for the holidays?
- I can't say exactly because they might read this! A shadow box project and decorative wall art.
- 'White Christmas'
- 'Silent Night'
- I love baking for the holidays.
When you're done creating your post, make sure to email them a link to your post at info@todaysmama.com with “Wish List Meme” in the subject line.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Will it survive?
So the tree survived the drive home. But can it survive THIS:
First he unraveled the ribbon from the ornament, then he ate it. Like an apple. In fact, he said "Ahh-pull" as he bit into it. Yes, that is soot on his face. He ate a candle before I caught him. Of course, that was before I heard the crash of half the lights and ornaments being pulled from the tree. Lest you think I'm a neglectful mother, all of this occurred within two minutes of me putting underpants on my two year old. Sad looking, isn't it?
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
this is what happens when...
When its 9:30pm and you're tired. There's a Saint's game on, but you're missing it because your wife insists on putting up the Christmas decorations tonight. Home Depot has the bungee cords you need so that you can strap the tree to the roof of your car, but does not have a viable Christmas tree. So you make your purchase and drive to another store to purchase the tree. The tree place is closed for the night. Your wife's throat lumps and she is about to cry. The store workers have compassion upon her and allow you to purchase a Christmas tree, but you must act quickly. You hastily pick a tree and while she is paying, you strap it, with your newly bought bungee cords, to the roof of your car. Its going on 10pm. Your kids need to get to bed. You want to see how the Saint's game turned out (though you know they stomped the Patriots. Who Dat!) Your wife is thirsty, tired, and wants to start decorating the tree. She pulls out of the HEB store parking lot a little too quickly. And there, on Texas state Highway 281 your tree shoots off of the top of your car like a launched missile. You scream explicatives and slap the dash as you watch cars dart around your newly purchased symbol of the Christmas season. Your wife pulls over and you run out onto the 6 laned highway and rescue and recover the Christmas tree. Your wife is on the roof of the car unlatching the worthless bungee cords. However, you are not moving. You are thinking. She wonders why you are not moving. She is cold and wants to get home. You inform her you are contemplating the method of transport for the tree. The decision that will allow you to get home to your Saint's game and warm bed? Shove the Christmas tree inside of the car. Sit ontop of your children in the back seat of the car. And then have your wife drive carefully home. But not before stopping at Sonic to reward your hard work, perseverance, and cleverness.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Favorite part of the day.
I like TV. Most people consider that to be lowbrow, but I can't help it. I mean, I love to read and listen to classical music, and attend the theatre, and go to art museums, and write poetry too, but sometimes I just want my brain to be sucked out by good ole' american TV. I do NOT, however, like the commercials and its nearly impossible to catch every luscious moment of dry wit during 30 Rock with two children begging for your attention. So, thus enters my favorite part of the day (or night). The part where Jared and I put our kids in their cages beds and plug our laptop into our big beautiful TV and watch our favorite TV shows off the internet; the ones we missed while cleaning up poo, cooking dinner, and bathing babies.
For my birthday, I bought myself an extra large, super soft throw for the couch. I nuzzle into the corner of the sectional with said cuddly throw, sometimes a yummy treat, and my sweet hubby. I'm giddy with excitement and anticipation. What sort of inappropriate HR nightmare will Michael Scott get himself into this episode? How manipulatively crass will House be as he attempts to properly diagnose a medical mystery? When will Mr. Shue find out that his wife is faking her pregnancy? SHHHHH!!! Its starting!
And then, ::thump, thump, thump::
Pause.
"Do you hear that?"
"No. That was me tapping my foot on the couch."
"No. Sadie's awake."
"Well go check on her, then." I say, slightly annoyed at the interruption of my brain sucking session.
I feel bad that I'm annoyed so I follow Jared up the stairs just to make sure Sadie's okay.
She's got the light on, toys on her bed, and she's reading to herself. My heart smiles and projects itself onto my face. Jared and I look at each other beaming and head back downstairs.
We start the shows again. A little later I hear "MAAAAAMAAAAAAAA!" The shows are over now.
I run up the stairs and see Sadie. "POOOO POOOO! I gotta go POO POO!!"
We go to the bathroom, handle up on business, and Jared returns her to her room while I shut things down in the kitchen. I head up the stairs to hear laughter. Jared and Sadie are tucked into her little bed talking and laughing. I decide to join them and wiggle my way through the covers and jam myself between the wall and my Sadie bug.
"Mama, you want to cuddle with me?"
"Yes!"
"I gonna be the choo choo train and we gonna go to the tunnel, right Mama?"
"Sure, Sadie!"
"Choo choooooooo"
She's smiling because she's smooshed in a love and adoration sandwich. Jared and I can't help but smile and exchange glances back and fourth when Sadie does or says something cute.
"I love your eyebrows, Mama."
"Well, I love your nose, and your eyes, and your hair," I list off, "and your lips, and your hands, and your feet..."
"And my boogers? You love my boogers, Mama?"
We roar in laughter as we answer.
Jared says "Eweeee...boogers. No, silly."
I say "Yes, Sadie. I love your boogers too."
Somehow the thought of not loving even this child's boogers makes me feel sad. I mean it. I love every piece of her. Even her boogers. And if one day Jack asks me about his boogers, I'll tell him the same. I love every bit of you. EVEN the boogers.
Come to find out, my favorite part of the day isn't really my favorite part at all. My favorite parts are all the parts that I get to love and be loved by my little family. Nothing on TV can beat that.
For my birthday, I bought myself an extra large, super soft throw for the couch. I nuzzle into the corner of the sectional with said cuddly throw, sometimes a yummy treat, and my sweet hubby. I'm giddy with excitement and anticipation. What sort of inappropriate HR nightmare will Michael Scott get himself into this episode? How manipulatively crass will House be as he attempts to properly diagnose a medical mystery? When will Mr. Shue find out that his wife is faking her pregnancy? SHHHHH!!! Its starting!
And then, ::thump, thump, thump::
Pause.
"Do you hear that?"
"No. That was me tapping my foot on the couch."
"No. Sadie's awake."
"Well go check on her, then." I say, slightly annoyed at the interruption of my brain sucking session.
I feel bad that I'm annoyed so I follow Jared up the stairs just to make sure Sadie's okay.
She's got the light on, toys on her bed, and she's reading to herself. My heart smiles and projects itself onto my face. Jared and I look at each other beaming and head back downstairs.
We start the shows again. A little later I hear "MAAAAAMAAAAAAAA!" The shows are over now.
I run up the stairs and see Sadie. "POOOO POOOO! I gotta go POO POO!!"
We go to the bathroom, handle up on business, and Jared returns her to her room while I shut things down in the kitchen. I head up the stairs to hear laughter. Jared and Sadie are tucked into her little bed talking and laughing. I decide to join them and wiggle my way through the covers and jam myself between the wall and my Sadie bug.
"Mama, you want to cuddle with me?"
"Yes!"
"I gonna be the choo choo train and we gonna go to the tunnel, right Mama?"
"Sure, Sadie!"
"Choo choooooooo"
She's smiling because she's smooshed in a love and adoration sandwich. Jared and I can't help but smile and exchange glances back and fourth when Sadie does or says something cute.
"I love your eyebrows, Mama."
"Well, I love your nose, and your eyes, and your hair," I list off, "and your lips, and your hands, and your feet..."
"And my boogers? You love my boogers, Mama?"
We roar in laughter as we answer.
Jared says "Eweeee...boogers. No, silly."
I say "Yes, Sadie. I love your boogers too."
Somehow the thought of not loving even this child's boogers makes me feel sad. I mean it. I love every piece of her. Even her boogers. And if one day Jack asks me about his boogers, I'll tell him the same. I love every bit of you. EVEN the boogers.
Come to find out, my favorite part of the day isn't really my favorite part at all. My favorite parts are all the parts that I get to love and be loved by my little family. Nothing on TV can beat that.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
California
There were three less people in our family last time Jared and I went to California for a visit back in 2006. Its hard to believe Sadie, Addison, and Jack were mere wishful thinking at the time.
Uncle Dale and Aunt Laura flew us out to visit them (and finally meet Addison!) in September. Anyone who has known me for a while has most likely heard stories of my summer/winter visits to California. And if you were listening, you probably figured out that those summers/winters hold some of the best memories of my life. Everyone should have happy places that they can retreat to and find refuge from the storms of everyday life. I am fortunate to have a couple of safe harbors where I can be myself despite any shortcoming, personality flaw, or failure. My family in California is one of my "happy places."
While there, we did lots of fun things. Of course, we didn't go there for the fun, we went there to spend time with our family. It doesn't hurt that they live in a place I'd call paradisaical, but i'd visit them if they lived in hell or even somewhere like the westbank of New Orleans (aka hell).
One of the first things we did was to visit a farm. I forgot the name, but the name didn't matter. This place was so cool! It was a working farm and you could buy what they grow at a little open-aired market at the front entrance. The pumpkins weren't up for show for a few days, but feeding the animals kept us plenty busy. Here, Jack is enjoying a pony ride.
Sadie, however, did NOT enjoy the pony. At all. Not. one. bit.
I love John Deere tractors. Not for any practical reasons, but more so for the image of being a cowgirl workin' the farm. This comes from a girl who once pointed out a horse that turned out to be a sheep. Here we see two cowgirls (Addison and Aunt Laura) workin' the farm on a mini John Deere.
Two of my cousins, Lexi and Addison.
Speaking of "fun things, Uncle Dale let Jared go for a ride in this thing. I think it goes 0 to 60 in like 3 seconds. 
We went to the Santa Barbara zoo while we were there. It was small, but BEAUTIFUL. The weather was perfect...not too hot, not too cold, blue skies...pacific ocean on one side, mountains on the other. They even had spa-like music playing in the background. We were able to get up close to most of the animals. Here are my two favorite monkeys:
Sadie and Addison were great buddies. Where one was, the other followed. If one left, the other missed her. The air conditioning vents are in the floor of my aunt and uncle's house. Sadie thought this was quite amusing. 
Sadie really enjoys being outside. She'd take Addison's watering can and "water her garden" in the back yard.
Jack liked to water the dogs.
We also took a trip to Disney while we were there. My cousin Cait goes to school near by and she met us there.
Little Minnie.
This was the pinnacle of of the whole day. We stood in line for a very, very, long time because I knew it would be worth it to her.
Waiting in line for Finding Nemo. L.A. was around 101 degrees that day, which is unusual. San Antonio was unusually cool. Of course, that's how it works, right?
Jack was pooped by the end of the day. This is how he rolled out of Disney.
It was a wonderful trip that felt waaaay too short. It took me a couple of weeks to shake the "sad to be home" blues. Thankfully, Uncle Dale, Aunt Laura, and Addison are coming to visit us here in San Antonio soon. Knowing that helped.
Uncle Dale and Aunt Laura flew us out to visit them (and finally meet Addison!) in September. Anyone who has known me for a while has most likely heard stories of my summer/winter visits to California. And if you were listening, you probably figured out that those summers/winters hold some of the best memories of my life. Everyone should have happy places that they can retreat to and find refuge from the storms of everyday life. I am fortunate to have a couple of safe harbors where I can be myself despite any shortcoming, personality flaw, or failure. My family in California is one of my "happy places."
While there, we did lots of fun things. Of course, we didn't go there for the fun, we went there to spend time with our family. It doesn't hurt that they live in a place I'd call paradisaical, but i'd visit them if they lived in hell or even somewhere like the westbank of New Orleans (aka hell).
One of the first things we did was to visit a farm. I forgot the name, but the name didn't matter. This place was so cool! It was a working farm and you could buy what they grow at a little open-aired market at the front entrance. The pumpkins weren't up for show for a few days, but feeding the animals kept us plenty busy. Here, Jack is enjoying a pony ride.
Sadie, however, did NOT enjoy the pony. At all. Not. one. bit.
I love John Deere tractors. Not for any practical reasons, but more so for the image of being a cowgirl workin' the farm. This comes from a girl who once pointed out a horse that turned out to be a sheep. Here we see two cowgirls (Addison and Aunt Laura) workin' the farm on a mini John Deere.
Two of my cousins, Lexi and Addison.
Speaking of "fun things, Uncle Dale let Jared go for a ride in this thing. I think it goes 0 to 60 in like 3 seconds. 
We went to the Santa Barbara zoo while we were there. It was small, but BEAUTIFUL. The weather was perfect...not too hot, not too cold, blue skies...pacific ocean on one side, mountains on the other. They even had spa-like music playing in the background. We were able to get up close to most of the animals. Here are my two favorite monkeys:
Sadie and Addison were great buddies. Where one was, the other followed. If one left, the other missed her. The air conditioning vents are in the floor of my aunt and uncle's house. Sadie thought this was quite amusing. 
Sadie really enjoys being outside. She'd take Addison's watering can and "water her garden" in the back yard.
Jack liked to water the dogs.
We also took a trip to Disney while we were there. My cousin Cait goes to school near by and she met us there.
Little Minnie.
This was the pinnacle of of the whole day. We stood in line for a very, very, long time because I knew it would be worth it to her.
Waiting in line for Finding Nemo. L.A. was around 101 degrees that day, which is unusual. San Antonio was unusually cool. Of course, that's how it works, right?
Jack was pooped by the end of the day. This is how he rolled out of Disney.
It was a wonderful trip that felt waaaay too short. It took me a couple of weeks to shake the "sad to be home" blues. Thankfully, Uncle Dale, Aunt Laura, and Addison are coming to visit us here in San Antonio soon. Knowing that helped.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
She is three
She...is THREE! It seems like we've had her forever, though. And I mean that in a good way. In a "you-are-so-woven-into-the-fabric-of-my-very-being-I-can't-imagine-life-without-you" way.
Sadie is such a sweet, sweet girl. Rarely is she a handful, but rather a helping hand. Smart and curious, focused and thoughtful, filled with life. Lately, she's into making funny faces.
She's also into "treasures." Treasures = anything shiny, small, and capable of fitting into a box that she can tote around and, to anyone who listens, proudly display her bobbles and trinkets. We took her to "the birthday store" (as she refers to it since its the toy store we frequent for friend's and family's birthday gifts) to pick out her present. Sadie, you see, rather help make the cake or pick out the present rather than simply eat the cake or rip into the paper wrapped gift. Here she is showing me a "treasure" (ring) she picked up in the toy store.
I love this store! They are so kid friendly and encourage the kids to play with the toys and explore the store. Jack found this awesome shopping cart. Its built EXACTLY like the buggies you'd find in a real grocery store...heavy metal, sturdy, swiveling front wheels.
Here's another Funny Face!
Sadie picked out a microphone the other day for her cousin Addison's birthday (which she shares with Sadie). She couldn't stop talking about it so guess what one of her gifts was...
They have a great train set up for the kids to play with at the store. Sadie L.O.V.E.S trains. Too bad a train set is super expensive. One day Sadie, one day.
Jammie, KK, and Kyle sent Sadie a package today. She was so excited to open it by herself and even frowned a little when I had to cut the taped box with a steak knife. I had to be super careful not to knick her anxious little fingers that kept creeping their way back to the box as I worked at opening it. Inside, there were all sorts of "treasures!" Bowls, place mats, a cell phone, color sticks, CDs, and oodles of cute clothes.
I'd say it was a pretty happy birthday for our little Sadie bug. I tried to celebrate her in every moment today...give a little here, give a little there, let a few things slide (like ice cream before dinner and staying up past bedtime). I'm so proud of her. And look forward to watching and helping her grow into a 4 year old.
Sadie is such a sweet, sweet girl. Rarely is she a handful, but rather a helping hand. Smart and curious, focused and thoughtful, filled with life. Lately, she's into making funny faces.
She's also into "treasures." Treasures = anything shiny, small, and capable of fitting into a box that she can tote around and, to anyone who listens, proudly display her bobbles and trinkets. We took her to "the birthday store" (as she refers to it since its the toy store we frequent for friend's and family's birthday gifts) to pick out her present. Sadie, you see, rather help make the cake or pick out the present rather than simply eat the cake or rip into the paper wrapped gift. Here she is showing me a "treasure" (ring) she picked up in the toy store.
I love this store! They are so kid friendly and encourage the kids to play with the toys and explore the store. Jack found this awesome shopping cart. Its built EXACTLY like the buggies you'd find in a real grocery store...heavy metal, sturdy, swiveling front wheels.
Here's another Funny Face!
Sadie picked out a microphone the other day for her cousin Addison's birthday (which she shares with Sadie). She couldn't stop talking about it so guess what one of her gifts was...
They have a great train set up for the kids to play with at the store. Sadie L.O.V.E.S trains. Too bad a train set is super expensive. One day Sadie, one day.
Jammie, KK, and Kyle sent Sadie a package today. She was so excited to open it by herself and even frowned a little when I had to cut the taped box with a steak knife. I had to be super careful not to knick her anxious little fingers that kept creeping their way back to the box as I worked at opening it. Inside, there were all sorts of "treasures!" Bowls, place mats, a cell phone, color sticks, CDs, and oodles of cute clothes. 
I'd say it was a pretty happy birthday for our little Sadie bug. I tried to celebrate her in every moment today...give a little here, give a little there, let a few things slide (like ice cream before dinner and staying up past bedtime). I'm so proud of her. And look forward to watching and helping her grow into a 4 year old.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Happy Birthday Little Rabbit
Its baby Jack's birthday! Hip hip hooray!!
Lets have some cake. Mama made it juuuuuust for you baby Jack. Big sister Sadie will help you blow out the candles. She's been looking forward to it for weeks!
Daddy helps baby Jack figure out what to do with his cake.
Jack's a fast learner!
Its time for presents! Mama helps to open them.
Everything was so much fun! Baby Jack wanted to play with each toy right after he unwrapped it. Keeping him on task was a big job.
Baby Jack loved all of the attention. He sure did have a great birthday!
A few things about Jack to mark his special day.
Jack is an amazing kid. He has got to be one of the happiest babies ever. He's always quick to smile and loves to cuddle. My favorite face is the one he makes when he crinkles his nose. Jack is very tactile and bold. He likes to "jump right in" to whatever we are doing and is very social. Nothing slows him down! He's been walking since he was 9 months old, following around his big sister and anyone else who will play with him. I love my little rabbit. I can't believe he's a year old already!
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