Happy Birthday Sadie

One year ago at this time I was laying in a hospital bed. Jared was trying his hardest to drown out the hospital noise andsleep on the fold out couch under the bright florescent lights . Little Sadie was in her bassinet. I look back at past Courtney and remember that night. The first night with my daughter... not knowing who she would be, or how how she would change me to be. She was a tiny stranger, but she didn't feel that way. She felt like a part of me, which is not all that strange, I guess since I did sort of make her from my body and carry her around for 40 weeks. Present Courtney looks back at the past with a smile. I laugh at my poor former self. Geez, she didn't know what she was getting into! That first night we didn't sleep at all because Sadie wanted us to hold her all night. She screamed and screamed and we couldn't find where the doctor put that darn baby manual so we tried our best to wing it. The next night we sent her to the nursury so we could sleep. Why didn't anyone tell us that was an option the first night? I see my former self a week later crying in the bath tub and not knowing why my apartment felt so foreign and unfamiliar. A few days after that the crying got worse and the terrible thoughts came. I see past Courtney a month later, with the help of a little medication, a wonderful husband, and fantastic friends, learning to relax and enjoy Sadie. After that, the months rolled and rolled by. Her first smile turned into her first laugh. She rolled to her side and then to her belly and then learned to crawl. Her bald head sprouted fine, light brown hair. Her eyes turned green. Two teeth came...and then four...and now six. She can stand up, point at familiar objects, wave "bye-bye", give kisses, "read" books, and completely melt my heart. There have been 5 colds, hundreds of sleep deprived nights, and many tears. Times when I thought "How so much poop come out of such a tiny thing?" as I was cleaning it off of her, myself, and the floor. Times when I wondered if i'd ever sleep again! and times when I just plain wanted to bury my head under a bunch of pillows and cry. But then there are those moments every single day that I look at her in awe; in total amazement for who she is. She is so smart and pure and spirited. She has given us so much laughter and love and countless priceless moments. Thousands of diapers have been changed and so have I. She'll keep changing me as humbly try to help shape her.

Sadie is speaking her mind. She speaks it loudly and with a sharp, curt "Aaht!" Just try and take something from her. She furrows her brows and "Aaht!" Give her kisses when she rather not. Her head turns away and "Aaht!" Change her diaper "AaaaaaaHT!"

I had mixed feeling about this new development. Of course I want her to feel like her feelings are important, and I love that she is trying to communicate with me, but at the same time I miss my little baby. I miss my LITTLE baby. She's growing so fast. Before I know it, she'll be talking to me (or not talking to me) about all the woes of highschool, and then it'll be college, and before I know it i'm going to be an old woman wondering where all the time went. I guess that's why its important to live in the moment and appreciate where you are. It just goes so fast.

My little bug turns ONE in nine days. One year ago i was anxiously awaiting her arrival; dreaming up what it would be like to be a mom. Let me just tell you that it is better than I dreamed. She's changed my world. And though i had lived 24 years years without her, I can't imagine not having her in my life.

Blog, blog, blog, blah, blah, blah

Oh, the blog. The blog that makes me feel a bit more important; a bit more celebrity. I have staked my claim, pitched my flag on the virtual moon of cyber space. Okay, now what?

Maybe a little bit about the "Awesome Rawsons."

To start, there are three of us: Mama Rawson, Daddy Rawson, and the Awesomest Rawson of all, Baby Sadie Rawson.

What makes us so awesome, you ask? Well, Sadie is super awesome because she just is. And Jared and I are awesome by association. (Thank you, Sadie, for gracing us with your awesomeness and allowing us to be almost as awesome as you.)

Jared loves sports, namely, golf. He has successfully turned our living room into a putting area by using baby Rawson as the "hole". He putts the ball to her and she laughs and then picks up the ball and tries to eat it. Jared also loves to fish with his buddies Matt and Josh, but since he married me, and had Sadie, he hasn't had much of a chance to go.

I love to read and do crafts and paint. I haven't gotten a chance to do much of that lately since Sadie likes to eat everything within reach. And since her reach is expanding as she crawls and pulls up on things, its just too much trouble.

So its a good thing that I the other thing I love is playing with Sadie. I get lots and lots of opportunities to do that.

We've both been blessed wonderful families , and a bunch of fantastic friends (we regard as family) that we love to hang out with. We also have a dog named Dexter that we share joint custody with my parents. Life is good for the Awesome Rawsons. We count everyday with each other as a blessing and are grateful for where we are. I've always said 'where we are is where we need to be.'