Friday, May 30, 2008


Our nifty little antenna used to pick up PBS back in Louisiana and Sadie loved watching "Super Why." But here in San Antonio, we're lucky to get NBC, CBS, FOX, and ABC. In fact, we have to move to antenna from one side of the TV to the other, depending on what we're trying to pick up. I contemplated standing at the TV when "Super Why" comes on, since if I do so I can manage a blurry static-ey version of the show. But after trying, I decided it wasn't very practical.

So I decided to go buy "Super Why" at Best Buy. The problem was that "Super Why" is not on DVD.

And then, at that moment, I created a monster. A "Blues Clues" monster. I bought a 2 hour 10 minute "Blues Clues" DVD and popped it into our DVD player and she was hooked. Now, she wakes from a nap saying "Coo Coos??" which, translated, is "Blues Clues" and we pull into the garage after going wherever and its "Coo Coos??" I try to resist, but I find myself giving into this little face. How can I say "no" when she asks so sweetly? AND when she's so happy watching it? I have to admit, its a great DVD. She's learing her ABC's and I always try to interact with her when she's watching ANY TV so its not a babysitter. Well, maybe a little while i'm blogging this.

(Now, don't you worry "Super Why." Grandpa Tivo-ed lots of episodes of you and burned them to DVD so when Sadie's tired of "Coo Coos" she'll ask for "Why?"and I'm absolutely delighted when she does. I miss you "Why.")

This is what happens when Daddy's had a long day and he tries to put on my pants. Can you see? They're on backwards!

Saturday, May 24, 2008

The Reality of Change

Anyone who knows me well knows that I don't handle change very well. All change. Not just bad change, but good change too. I like consistency...routine...stability. It makes me feel safe.

I laid in bed contemplating the multiplication of our family. Things are going to change and i'm scared.

Last summer, Jared's family took me and Sadie to Idaho for a Rawson family reunion. Jared met us up there later. I remember thinking of Sadie almost as my little doll or a pet that I brought along with me on this adventure. She went everywhere with me. I was her food, her comfort, her everything because she was so young.

I pictured what it would be like this year. She's so...different. She can talk and walk and laughs when she hears us laugh during adult conversations because she wants to feel like she's apart of it. She eats REAL food and has hair (who'da thought she'd ever have hair? Even if it is a mullet) and she likes to watch Blues Clues and Super Why. Sadie sits in a big carseat now that can face the front so maybe she wouldn't cry all the way from Idaho Falls to Provo?

The realization hits me. Sadie is perpetually changing. And because of this I AM perpetually changing and adapting myself to fit her needs. Wow...drastic change that I didn't notice and i'm okay? Yes. I'm okay. Change is okay. And if i'm going to be a mother...well, really if i'm going to live life... I'm going to have to face a life of on going changes. Diaper changes, attitude changes, changes of clothes, changes of homes, school changes,marital changes, changes in the size of our family. My family will continue to age and develop. In three short years I've changed from Courtney Walden to Courtney Rawson - wife to Jared, MOTHER to Sadie, pregnant with baby boy #2, former employee now stay at home mom, Texas state resident, member of the Sonterra ward...I could go on. One day, i'll be lying in bed and realize i'm a grandmother (if i'm lucky).

Looking forward onto these coming months where nursing happens every two hours despite my need of sleep, I look back on Sadie's infancy. I remember the struggle of trying to redefine myself as a mother, and the fear that nothing would ever feel normal again. I kept hearing that everything would be okay in the face of this amazingly scary yet beautiful change in my life. So many people I wanted to punch in the face for telling me that life would ever be okay when I felt like I would never get to go on another date, sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time, or go somewhere and leave without spit up or poop on my shirt. Now I realize that the change that I fought so hard against was what comforts me now.

When life seems stressful or like there's a constant rain cloud over your head or even if it seems to be unmanageable; it WILL change. Just hold on and keep living the best you can. The only thing that doesn't change is that change is evident.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Sandy Sadie

Can you say "Sand"?

Tots at the Zoo

The Zoo has this fantastic area for little kids. Its called the little tots riverbank. I met some gals and their kids at the park last week and they told me about it. How did I miss this fabulous area last time we went to the zoo?

Here, Sadie is discovering the sand. She didn't like it at all at first, but after clinching to my leg for about 10 minutes she warmed up to it.

The Turtle exhibit is right across from this area so they have a turtle theme going on. She's sitting in a turtle shell tunnel. Not to worry, no turtles were harmed in the making of this picture.

The park provides the kids with toys that they can use to explore
Sadie loved digging in the sand with the rake. But even more than that, she loved the big beach ball. She'd get upset and say "sher" whenever someone else would try to play with it.

Check out the last picture. That's Sadie cleaning up in the bathroom sink.

We had a great day!

I love a guy in helmet

USAA gives us a "fitness allowance" each year. This year, Jared bought a nice bike that he'll be able to ride up and down our nice hills. During his first ride, the hills were not so nice to him. He realized the challenges of age and a sit-down-desk-job quickly, but the idea is that after a while of consistent riding, those hills won't be so mean.

Gotta love a guy who wears a helmet.

Next year, its my turn. Stay tuned till then for my helmet picture.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I wouldn't be an "awesome rawson" without him

1. What is his name? Jared Dee Rawson

2. How long have you been married? It'll be three glorious years July 9th. Time flies when you're having fun!

3. How long did you date? Lets call it 1 1/2 years.

4. Who eats more? I think he eats bigger portions, but I eat way more often. He's the type that would go without eating all day and then eat 4 portions of some sort of meal for dinner.

5. Who said I love you first? he did. surprisingly enough he was more in touch with his feelings than i was at the time. i felt it though.

6. Who sings better? jared. definitely jared. and he actually knows what he's doing when he sings... you know, like how to read the music.

7. Who is taller? he's got me by about 6 inches.

8. Whose temper is worse? I don't think either of us really has a "temper." I'm way more passionate about the way I feel and he's my steady, rational, calming force.

9. Who does the laundry? I do most of it...well, i wash and dry it and then it usually sits in a pile till its time to do another load of laundry and i need the basket. he irons what he needs though. He's better at it.

10. Who does the dishes? I do most of the time, but not because he won't. He's really great about helping out with chores. There are things that he usually does that I don't and vice versa.

11. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? He does. He's smart and knows to put me close to the bathroom!

12. Who does the cooking? I like to cook so I do.

13. Who is more stubborn? Oh, me for sure. Poor Jared. I hang on and on and on even when I know he's got a point.

14. Who proposed? Jared did. And I almost ruined it by not showing up! He asked me to meet me at the Stake Center after Institute so he could pick up a package his room mate had left there. I was really tired so I called him on the way and told him just to meet me at my apartment. He convinced me to come and then I wouldn't get out of the car! Hey, it was cold outside. Finally, I got out of the car and he pretended to look for the package. I followed him around till he turned and proposed. I don't remember what he said, I just remember being happy.

15. Who is most likely to admit that they are wrong? Refer back to the "stubborn" question. This is one of the things I love most about Jared. He cares more about me than being right so he is usually the first to apologize even though there are times when I should be the one taking on that role. I'm trying to be better! Its a good thing we don't disagree on much.

16. Who's parents do you see the most? It used to be fairly even since we were smack in the middle between florida and texas, but now that we're in San Antonio it'll be his folks. I really miss my family.

17. Who pays the bills? I used to be the one to pay all of the bills when I was working, but now that he brings in all the bucks, he's taken over and I like it that way!

18. Who wears the pants? we share the pants.

19. Why do you love your husband? because I have absolute trust and faith that he would never hurt me on purpose. Jared is so full of love. He tries his honest best to fulfill his potential. He loves me in a way that lets me feel safe. And he’s cleaning up after our dinner mess as I write this. Of course, this is an abbreviated list of reasons of why I love the most amazing person I know.

20. Who are three other people you are going to tag? How do I tag them? I guess if you're reading this...Jamie and Holly and're it!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

hair design

Here it new "hair design" that I got as a mother's day gift from Sadie and Jared. I don't know how many of you saw what my hair looked like before. It was all one flat, boring length. I hadn't had it cut in over a year, except for the time when I tried to cut my own bangs and seriously butchered them. The guy who cut my hair winced and gave me a strange look when he saw them. I told him that I had cut them myself and he seemed almost relieved that there wasn't some hairstylist out there cutting up other people's hair the way I had done to myself. It doesn't look like he took a lot off, but boy does my head feel lighter. He thinned me up, razored in some layers to add shape and texture, and voila! I feel like a new gal.

I couldn't take a picture of just myself so I pulled Sadie into it.

She's still way cuter than me!

Sunday, May 11, 2008


Sadie trying to blow "bubbas"Momma helped out a little.
Sadie loves to play at the park, but all she does is hang out on the steps.

Sadie sees all the big kids climbing rocks so she tries to too. Momma is never but an arms length away, though.
Sadie has a thing for shoes. It doesn't matter whose shoes they are.

So Nona bought Sadie flip-flops with rhinestones on them since she kept putting on Nona's sparkly flip-flops. Sadie walks around and points down at them "peatie" (pretty).

Momma's Day

To all my friends who are mothers, to those who are mothers in waiting, and to those who are mothers by honor rather than blood, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY. Thanks for all that you do, the sacrifices you make, and the lessons that you teach.

Jared and Sadie woke me up this morning with breakfast in bed. I was still a little drowsy from my Tylenol PM, but was conscious enough to be grateful for this sweet, sweet husband and adorable little girl who had diligently made me strawberry muffins. They had decorated my breakfast tray with the green orchid that usually sits on the fireplace mantle and with a bag from the Omagi Day Spa. I knew that anything coming out of that bag was going to be good.

First I opened my card, which Jared AND Sadie had signed; his signature in pen and hers in red crayon. Okay, well maybe first I ate three muffins and a handful of strawberries, but then I opened the card. Pregnant people are allowed to devour any and all food placed before them in a swift and almost scary manner. Its written in stone somewhere I think. Anyway...
After the card I opened the little spa bag. The card on the inside was adorned with the Omagi seal and tucked inside was a "menu" of services. Wow...this place must be nice. The gift certificate was meticulously filled out in gold ink. I'm getting a much needed haircut.
Of course it won't be just a haircut. It will be a hair design. That's what they call it there. I'm excited for the experience.

Jared let me go back to sleep.

Yes! Oh, sleep how you have eluded me. It seems that these days if I don't take Tylenol PM before going to bed it doesn't matter how utterly exhausted I am. I toss and turn, my muscles aching from the 26lbs. i've gained and my poor lungs struggling to fill with enough oxygen to sustain me. I wake up more exhausted and with every part of me in pain. Sometimes naps seem to be easier on me than nightime sleep. Who knows why.

My brother, Kevin called me to wish me a happy mother's day. It was so nice to hear from him. I miss him being close and look back so fondly on the time he and I lived together. I talked with my Momma too. Sadie could hear me talking and she was repeating their names "Kaawl" "Kay Kay" "Me. Me."

We went to church early to meet with the bishop. No callings or anything, though he said they'd be coming soon. It was nice to finally get to have a 3 on 1 with him. And he gave Sadie a sucker that kept her entertained for most of Sacrament. Motherhood was the obvious theme of the day and we were all honored with long-stemmed roses and a booklet by Gordon B. Hinckley. We also got chocolate in Relief Society. Oh yeah.

Now we're home. (I just said it! HOME. I called this place home.) It feels so good to be back in my pajamas sharing my thoughts with all of my friends and family who will eventually read this. I feel closer to my real home through writing here and reading all of their comments. My real home: a piece of home is in every one of my family and friends. They are all my home and it doesn't matter where I am. I find security in that.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

being tourist

Remember the Alamo? I didn't. It was probably 10 years ago or more the last time I was there and I didn't remember much about it. We went to explore downtown today and paid a visit to the Alamo. The grounds were really beautiful. I loved the trees and the landscaping. Not much to the buildings themselves.
We parked at a parking lot close to the Riverwalk and cut through the river center to get to the Alamo. Nice place! I think next time we have visitors we'll take a river tour. We'll need the historical perspective as much as our guests!

It was nice to wander around town like tourists, getting lost, and stopping for pictures.

Outside the very crowded Alamo
My friends that have never been to a dry climate and have not seen a cactus other than in the garden center at Wal-Mart...This is a cactus. There are plenty of them around San Antonio that grow wild and they get quite large.
This, too, is a cactus. It was a different variety and sorta reminded me of an enlarged closeup view of the tops of asparagus with sharp pointed barbs added to them.
This building is the library of the Daughters of the Republic of Texas. I took a picture because when I opened the doors to peek in, it smelled some of the older buildings at LSU. Jared pinned it as the smell of the Old Music and Dramatic Arts building. I agree.

On the river walk
Another perspective....
See the little river tour boat in the background? I did that once and it was a lot of fun. Come visit us and we'll do it!
Pretty little place to stop for a picture

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Anatomy confirmed

We have a number two is indeed a boy! There was no mistaking this one. He was very cooperative with showing himself during our ultrasound. Its all there and its quite apparent. I'll try to post pictures later.

This ultrasound was harder for me to interpret than Sadie's was because the contrast were not as stark as the machine in Baton Rouge, but luckily, Dr. Theis has a great eye and was very quick to point out all of the baby's anatomy. I really like this Doctor. He was warm and friendly and really showed that he knew his stuff.

Now we have to play the name game. Boy names have always been harder for us to pick out. I'm coming up dry on what to call this little guy! We might have to go and buy one of those "2 million of the best loved baby names" books. I was more in favor of saving the $16.95 and hoped the name would fall upon me in a vision or a dream or while driving down the interstate while scanning the billboards I would see a one with the suggestion blasted across it. Not happening. Its not that I don't like any names. I'm just not falling in love with any of them. Could I just settle and grow to love the name?

It doesn't matter. We have a healthy baby boy that the doctor said is developing beautifully and everything is in place for our original due date of August 17th.