Sunday, July 26, 2009

I pushed my nose up to her nose and she wrapped her tiny arm behind my neck. I could feel her breathe like a soft warm breeze as she laughed from excitement.

"I love you, Sadie."

We were curled face to face right before bed. I traced the side of her face and tucked the delicate wisps of hair behind her ear. There are few moments when I have the opportunity to lock eyes with my two year old. She's always bouncing from one thing to the next; bursting with life. I never take these moments for granted.

"Soooo, so much. Do you know that? You're my baby girl. My most favoritest girl in the WHOLE world! Do you know that?"

"Yes. I your girl. I lob you too, Mama."

I wanted to study the moment and tattoo it inside of my heart. I knew the reality of the situation. A sadness panged my heart and knocked the breath from my chest.

She's going to grow up. She'll change and blossom and this little baby girl will become a big girl. She won't need me to read her stories before bed nor will she request the "Sunshine song" or "Sleep, sleep Sadie" or "Lullaby" to lull her to sleep. She won't cry for me in the morning to pull her from her bed.
This little girl will disappear, and though I will love whoever she will become, I can't help but feel crestfallen to one day lose who she is now. I try not to think about it. Not how my Mama did it with me and her Mama did it with her; and the ghost- like feeling of remembering your past. I try to stay in the moment with both Sadie and Jack. Always keeping in the back of my mind that these moments are priceless and not to be taken for granted.

13 comments:

Cherie' said...

I feel the same way about Jackson and Ben. I just try to enjoy every single moment with them and hope that they remember that their mother loved them with all her heart.

Emily said...

Ahh- come on now! You are going to make me cry. It pains me to think they won't stay little forever. I definitely am etching moments into my heart.

Jenn said...

Beautiful! That was so sweet. I love the way you passionately write about Motherhood. I just love it! Thanks for sharing. Even those like me with no kids can appreciate living in he moment :)

15 painted cards said...

When we were kids, the night before his birthday I remember my mom kissing Chris goodnight and saying something to the effect of "good night, five year old Christopher. Tonight five year old Christopher will be gone, and tomorrow, six year old Christopher will be here!" I remember for years, the night before my brother's birthday always gave me pangs of sadness, because it was this tangible threshold of change, and even I was aware that we wouldn't be the same as when we were little. It really felt in a way like a different Christopher would be there in the morning.

It's good that you have the awareness to "tattoo" those moments on your heart. You're babies are going to grow up to be amazing people with a mom like you, but you'll always have those sweet memories in your heart:)

porcus said...
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elizabeth said...

i LOVE your blog! i get so excited when you post something new to read!! you write so beautifully! have you ever considered writing a book? i would buy it in a second!

i am in awe of how you find the words to express what is in your heart! i feel the same way ... after praying and waiting for five years for our beautiful babies ... they are just growing up too fast and i desperatley try each day to remember such beautiful moments like the one you described. you are a beautiful mother- your children are so blessed to have you!!

Kristi said...

What a sweet post. You are a great writer my dear. We'll be in San Antonio in less than 3 weeks! We should have a game night on Sunday the 16th or something!

aidanjordan said...

From the first time I met you at Jenny's shower I have always admired your way with words. So sweet! You should write that in a letter to Sadie for her to open when she becomes a mom.

Jamie said...

So sweet! I don't think there's a mother alive that can't relate to that (but not many alive that can write about it as eloquently as you). These babies do grow up too fast!

Lexi said...

If only I felt the same as that with Peyton... I am always thinking 'when are you going to talk to me and do fun stuff with me?!' I do have that connection more with Chloe though. I keep thinking 'you're getting so big so fast!'. Sadie is a cutie patootie! I can see why you are enthralled with her. :-)

Holly said...

What a sweet post. Sometimes I wonder if my babies get tired of me hugging them and kissing their heads :) At least for now they only fight it when they want to get down to play or are interested in something else, I know it won't last forever. I get sad thinking about my babies growing up too.

Tina said...

Have you ever considered writing professionally? I bet you could get published in a magazine! I love your posts. They're so vivid!

Kathy said...

yet again you made me cry, I feel the same way but wonder how some days I can get so frustrated with them when I love them so much.